8 months and Italianization

It's been just past 8 months here. In beautiful Italy. Where everywhere you go, there's old buildings and something ancient. Something magical with a little bit of story behind it.

We are 80% through. Only 20% more to go.. I can't even explain how i feel. I had been told before, that at this point i would feel torn. Between wanting to go back home, and how i would love this place so much.. Yeah i guess a little bit of that is true, but i didnt really imagine how it would feel. Obviously i miss things about America, driving, school, family, friends, my bed. But I've created a life here, it's so hard to think about the fact that i've been living here for 8 months, with a new life, and just like that, in a 10 hour flight in 2 months i will be back in America, back to my "normal" life. I don't know how im going to go through that, i dont know how I'm going to just drop everything here, end it. When i first signed up for this year i knew it would be a year, of learning, a language, a culture, meeting new people and learning so much more about the world. I had never thought out completely what would happen, how i would feel, and how life would lead me up to here, how it would turn out. I knew i loved Italy, but being here i didnt know that i would fall in love with Italy. It's my home. So yes, i am torn. I miss some things, but this is where my life is now, i dont want to leave, and i know leaving here will be one of the hardest things i will ever have to do.

My first 5 months were really quite difficult, but i learned a lot, and i became really independent. I felt like i had no one, and i did everything on my own. I was given freedom, and no one questioned me with anything i did. I just had to take care of myself. I guess i hadnt really been living the culture, i just grew as a person.

Now, with my second (absolutly amazing, and to whom i absolutly owe everything to. they saved me and they provide for me and i know they are always there for me and i love them so much!) i've been so much more immersed in the culture. I feel so loved and an actual part of this family. Now i do so many things italians do, and i have to say it's really weird. If i looked back at myself being who i am now and seeing the things i do, i would be a little weirded out.
I've adjusted so well to this culture. Even in the beginning, i was never shocked by the culture, i eased right into it. I dont know why i didnt experience the culture shock, but i know im going to experience the culture shock RETURNING to America, which is strange..

Italian things:
I say things that italians say, things that in english makes no sense, but i just say it. (can't think of examples right now)
I bike around my village, in italy everyone bikes, i think its kind of cute
I use my hands when i speak, which i have to admit when i do, i feel very italian xD
I blow my nose like im an elephant, and it's absolutly disgusting.(i think its because of my horrible allergies here in italy) I will probably have to change that habit when I get back to America.
I walk around the house wearing slippers
I eat fries (and pretty much everything else) with mayonaise. Which in the beginning i thought was pretty nasty and i missed barbeque sauce, but now i think its really good and it's kind of grown on me.

BUT one italian thing i will NEVER do, is use the bide. No. Not going there.

I am forgetting english.
This worries me a little bit considering when i get back to America i will have to take the SATs ( a major exam for college entrance). Starting i think about 3 months ago, i started writing in my journal in italian, completly in italian. I'm speaking italian everyday all the time, I've just loss the use of needing to speak english, or write it, using it at all in general really. I think in italian, and english words just havent been coming to me. My italian friends and host family correct me sometimes with my english and it's actually really quite embarassing. It feels like i dont even know my own langauge anymore. I know thats not true, but it's just really kind of sad to forget some of even just YOUR own language. My vocabulary in italian has grown a lot, and is continuing to grow. Meanwhile my spelling and vocabulary, and grammar in english is getting worse.. I've forgotten many words, forgotten how to spell, or sometimes i spell with italian pronunciation, and correct myself, or when i try to read something in english i read it out with an italian pronunciation and wonder why it doesnt make sense until i give it more time and correct myself or someone else helps me. The other day when i was in the train returning home, i said : "I've never arriven from this direction" i dont know about you but that sounds right to me. But i was told i was wrong, it's i've never arrived from this direction. You tell me. But either way that's still embarassing. At least we can look at one posotive thing, one thing on the bright side. My italian is improving. Good. That's all. In the beginning i was forgetting my english while not learning italian. thats just a negative and a negative. at least if i lose some english i gain something else. I just hope when i return, giving it a little time my english will come back to me. Or not just hope, i NEED it to come back to me, SATs are on the line.. xD

ok, peace for now.
ciao ciao
a presto

xoxo Rachael