Ok, take a deep breath. Here we go ragazzi.

It's scary. less than 2 weeks here. I leave my house and from milan central station on a train to rome on July 9th. Us americans leave Rome July 10th. and We'll be back in our country July 10th.

We have such little time. It's terrifying. We havve such little time to do all these things. say goodbye to everyone, and do these last minute things. It's not enough!

This is a little something being passed around us exchange students, and this is what they read to us at our camp. IT made us all cry, and it's true. Here we go..


L'anno D'oro

Un anno è passato e ora sei sull'orlo di ritornare dove sarai circondato dal paradosso di tutto ma invece niente sarà lo stesso.
Fra poco abbraccerai controvoglia e, combattendo contre le lacrime, saluterai le persone che un giorno erano solo nomi su un foglio di carta

Per tornare dalle persone che hai abbracciate combattendo contro le lacrime al momento di salutarle

Prima di partire.
Lascerai i tuoi migliori amici per tornare dai tuoi migliori amici.

Ritornerai da dove vieni e tornerai a fare le stesse cose che facevi l'estate scorsa e tutte le altre estati prima.

Arriverai in città da questa stessa strada familiare, e anche se sono passati mesi, ti sembrerà appena ieri.

Quando entrerai nella tua vecchia stanza, tutte le emozioni ti attravversaranno mentre rifletterai su quanto la tua vita è cambiata e la persona che sei diventata.

All'improvviso capirai che le cose più importanti per te un anno fa non sembrano più così importanti oggi, e che le cose che ti importano di più ora, nessuno qui a casa le può veramente capire.

Chi chiamerai per primo ?

Che cosa farai del tuo primo fine settimana a casa coi tuoi amici ?

Dove lavorerai ?

Chi ci sarà alla festa sabato sera ?

Che cos'hanno fatto tutti questi ultimi mesi ?

Con chi parlerai ancora a scuola ?

Quanto tempo prima che le persone che facevano irruzione senza chiamare né bussare ti manchino ?
Allora inizi a capire quanto le cose sono cambiate, e capisci che la parte più difficile dell'essere un intercambista è di saper trovare l'equilibrio tra i due mondi completamente diversi in cui vivi ora, provando disperatamente di tenerti a tutto mentre cerci di capire quello che devi lasciare dietro di te.

Conosci il significato della vera amicizia.

Sai con chi sei ancora in contatto dopo un anno e chi ha un posto così importante nel tuo cuore.
Hai lasciato il tuo mondo per affrontare il mondo reale.
Hai avuto il cuore spezzato, ti sei innamorato, hai aiutato il tuo migliore amico a superare i suoi problemi, la depressione, lo stress, la morte ...

Hai acceso candele nella grotta e sei rimasto in piedi tutta la notte solo per parlare con un amico che ne aveva bisogno.

Ci sono stati dei momenti in cui ti sei sentito impotente essendo così lontano da casa mentre sapevi che la tua famiglia o i tuoi amici avevano tanto bisogno di te, e ci sono dei momenti in cui sai di aver fatto la differenza.
Fra poco te ne andrai.

Fra poco toglierai tutte le immagini, e metterai i tuoi panni nella valigia. Finite le ore a passeggiare senza fine. Lascierai i tuoi amici di cui gli indirizzi mail e numeri di telefono ti faranno piangere quest'estate, e magari anche i prossimi anni. Prenderai i tuoi ricordi e sogni e li metterai da parte per il momento, tenendoli per il tuo ritorno in questo mondo.

Fra poco arriverai a casa. Fra poco disfarai la valigia e cenerai con le tue famiglie. Andrai dal tuo migliore amico e non farete niente per ore, senza fine. Ritornerai dagli stessi amici di chi lei mail e chiamate telefoniche ti hanno fatto piangere durante l'anno. Tirerai fuori vecchi sogni e ricordi che avevi messo da parte quest'anno.

Fra poco andrai fino in fondo a cercare la forza e le convinzioni per aggiustarti al cambiamento e per stare vicino a tutti. E così, in un certo modo, troverai il tuo posto tra questi due mondi.
Sei pronto?

English:

The Golden Year


A year has passed and now you stand on the brink of returning to a world where you will be surrounded by the paradox of everything and yet nothing will be the same.

Soon, you will reluctantly give your hugs, fighting back the tears, say goodbye to the people who were once just names on a sheet of paper

to return to the people that you hugged and fought tears to say goodbye to before you ever left.

You will leave your best friends to return to your best friends.

You will return to where you came from and you'll return to doing the same things you did last summer and all the summers before.

You will arrive in town on that same familiar road, and even though months have passed it will seem like only yesterday.

When you step into your old bedroom, all your emotions will pass through you as you reflect on how much your life has changed and the person you have become.

You will suddenly understand that the things that were most important to you a year ago don't seem to matter so much anymore, and that the things you hold highest now, no one at home will completely understand.

Who will you call first?

What will you do your first weekend home with your friends?

Where are you going to work?

Who will be at the party saturday night?

What has everyone been up to in these past months?

Who from school will you still keep in touch with?

How long before you actually start missing people barging in without knocking or calling?

Then you start to realize how much things have changed, and you understand that the hardest part about being an exchange student is knowing how to find a balance between the two completely different worlds in which you now live, trying desperately to hold onto everything all the while, trying to figure out what you have to leave behind.

You know what true friendship means.

You know whom you have kept in touch with over the past year and whom you hold dearest in your heart.

You've left your world to deal with the real world.

You had your heart broken, you fell in love, you helped your best friend overcome their problems, depression, stress, death...

You lit candles at the grotto and stayed up all night just to talk to a friend in need.

There have been times when you felt helpless being so far away from home, knowing your family or your friends needed you, and there have been times when you know you have made a difference.

Soon you will leave

Soon you will take down your pictures and pack up your clothes. No more endless hours walking around aimlessly. You will leave your friends who's random e-mails and phone calls will make you laugh and cry this summer, and hopefully years to come. You will take your memories and dreams and put them away for now, saving them for when you return to this world.

Soon you'll arrive at home. Soon you'll unpack your bags and eat dinner with your family. You will go over to your best friends house and do nothing for hours on end. You will return to the same friends whose random e-mails and phone calls have brought you to laughter and tears this year. You will unpack old dreams and memories that have been put away this past year.

Soon you will dig deep inside to find the strength and conviction to adjust to change and still stay close to everyone. And somehow, in some way, you will find your place between these two worlds.
Are you ready?

28 days... til we leave our new home Italy

In 28 days we all have to go home. July 9th we all leave ourfamilies, or friends, our lives. Everything that we have lived for a year we have to leave in one morning. Us guys here that live near milan, are all taking the train from milan to rome in the morning. We'll be in Rome for one night, and then off we go back to our countries. 28 days. Exactly 4 weeks from today. I'm so terrified.

Here we are June. It's been 9 months

 As of two days ago I have been away from home for exactly 9 months. and on June 10th i will have been in Italy for exactly 9 months. It's surprising to think about how only 9 months can change your life so much. I can't believe I've been away from home so long.. If I had stayed home, I'd be doing my normal routine. The days just pass by, and that's all. But here, everyday we gotta live it up! enjoy it while we are here. we are living the expereince of a life time.

This past weekend we had camp. Last month camp, everything in Italian. There we met all the exchange students from Liguria, Piemonte, and Aosta. Our little northern corner of Italy. I got to see all my friends that i hadnt seen in a really long time, who live everywhere spreadout, and i met a lot of other new students who came here for second semester. It was one of the funnest weekends of my life. And one of the saddest weekends.  

I love being with other exchange students, it seriously doesnt matter where we are from, how old we are, or if we've ever even talked to eachother. We're still like family. During the whole weekend (thursday june 2nd to sunday june 5th, thursday was festa, so it's not like any of us missed school anyways) We had a bunch of activities and games. A bunch of random fun games, and lots of serious activities too. One was where the volunteers gave us 4 random dates of the year. 23rd of december, 15th of march, 1st of june, and the september to come. We had to write letters for each date describing how we felt in that period, and how we think things will be in september also, in the future. It's scary to think about the future. In the end we had to highlight 3 words for each of the four letters for each season, and write them down on a list. we came up with these lists



I took the picture before we did september oops..

Another was that we had to draw a graph, design curves of our experience in general. 4 lines, of family, language, friends and school. We had to make the graph and see how it changed over time, over the course of the year.

MY GRAPH(metti la foto qui)


And we had other activities which were like active activities, which are always fun.

One night we all layed down in a dark room, and a volunteer read this story to us. Well not so much of a story, but describing generally what will happen, what we will feel like. It felt like an hour of his reading, and after some time passed, you would just hear everyone crying. It was one of the saddest nights ever. Up until this camp, we have always told each other, dont talk about it, it wont happen, dont think about it. the fact that we have to go back. we dont want to go back. at least i dont. I've fallen in love with this place. I know ive always had problems, but i had probelms in america too. Life will never be easy or fair wherever you go. But I'm so in love with Italy. I dont care if i havent really made italian friends, i dont care if i had a horrible first 5 months, i dont care if there is lots of racism, i dont care if my italian sucks. Italy is beaautiful, and the culture and language is fascinating. And I've just become so used to everything, I've adjusted and my feelings towards italy are undescribable. Italy has changed me. Im honestly terrified about going back home. going back home willbe a bigger change, than coming here. Because before i was just excited, i thought about and expected about the things you can write down. Like learning a new languag, meeting new people etc. I never thought about the emotional aspect. And now that ive been here, for such a long time, i've changed, i have learned a new language and met new people, but I've also gained a lot of things that you cant just list and write down, you cant describe them like that its so much more emotional than that.

We also had to sit down one morning, and all morning long write letters to ourselves. We had to write aboutour feelings or, actually, anything we wanted! but our feelings, and the future, our fears, our reflection ofthe year. AFS told us theyd send it to us at christmas next year. Which is really cool! I'm excited to get my letter from myself at christmas haha

Camp in general was really fun, but in the end we had to take two different buses. one for the people who live near the camp place and people who live in torino. and the other for people who had to go directly to the station in torino to go off our separate ways(me). It was sad. my bus came first and we all got on. before we got on we all hugged and said goodbyes. we know we have another month. but a month just isnt enough time! We have one month to do everything, see things, be with our family and friends, travel, it really sint enough time. and so we got onto the bus, and looked out the window and waved at our friends down below waving. It was so sad, i wanted to cry, we all cried. And the moment the bus left we all cried even harder. we cried throughout practically the whole bus ride back to torino, and even from then which was 2  days ago, i'm still sad about it. I hate the idea of leaving and saying goodbye to my friends who i wont see for a long time. This year I've made friends from all around the world, belgium, china, norway, turkey, france, finland, bolivia, argentina, canada and other americans. everywhere around the world! And I wont get to see them for such a long time :( they're like another family.

So that was this weekend, one of the funnest and saddest weeknds of my life. It's going to be hard to let go, move on, and go back to America. I just keep thinking about how i've lived this life for almost a year, i just cant grasp the idea that we can just leave it like that, and leave our friends from all over the world.





Ci chiamiamo fratelli del mondo. We call ourselves brothers of the world. <3

Siamo una grande famiglia! Ragazzi vi voglio tantissimo bene! vi ringrazio perchè mi avete dato il migliore anno della mia vita. Ho imparato tantissimo da voi tutti

_____________________________________________________________________________

Anyways, other than camp. A lots been going on. There was the festa ofmy village which was really cute and fun and cultury. Lots of food and wine and games everywhere, like a fair! That same weekend was mothers day weekend. Mother's day day, The uncle Zio Nino passed away that morning, it was really hard on everyone, and nothing that we had all planned went like we thought it would for mothers day. The whole family came together and w stayed together. We understood he was old, and at least it was in his sleep, and he got to see the beata(the name of the village festival) It was a really really sad day, but i think we all accepted it well. It was a privaledge to know him, that i was able to meet him. He made me laugh and said lots of crazy things and was so kind, he had a really warm heart.  Zio Nino, conoscerti è stato un grande piacere, riposa in pace <3

Other brighter topics, a dog came to my school and found drugs. it was like a big deal i guess. it was interesting. Well i guess thats not a brighter topic, but its better? xD

Visit from Uncle
the week before camp, my uncle came to visit, my uncle who lives in germany. he came from friday 27th-30th may. the first day he helped me send off like 6 packages of clothes. whew! thats a lot of stuff! dont know how i would get home if i didnt send some stuff home!

Then we went to torino, he fell in love with it. He said it was one of the most beautiful cities ever and he could live there. haha. he really couldnt beleive that north and south italy could be this different. he has come to italy many times, but always around napoli and rome. he came here to north italy and was in shock. (torino was about an hour and ten minutes away). I personally think torino is also really beautifulk, i mea its like a royal city, all the emperial looking buildings because its where the royalty was.

The next day we went to the islands in a famous lake which is 40 minutes north of my house. There was also royalty on these islands, they were so beautiful!

Isola Bella



Host mom and my uncle on Isola Bella



the last day milan. about one hour give or take. we walked around, saw all the sights, all the churches etc.b ut i felt bad because there was a big pep rally thing for soccer and we couldnt go on top of the duomo, neither could we go in. and we couldnt go in the theater. thats like 3 big things we couldnt do! i felt so bad that he couldnt see them! anyways, at the end of the day i took him to this amazing pizza place. Its fried pizza. he was in heaven haha its seriously the best pizza in the world. we saw a couple fighting, and the girl threw her soda all over the dude and then they left the moment the pizza was brought to their table. and then they continued the fight outside. she started going at him. it was interesting...

anyways, then my uncle had to go back to germany and continue working on monday. He enjoyed north italy a lot, and is definitly gonna come back. he still doesnt believe how the north and south of this one small country could be so different.


Arianna, host mom, me, Valeria, host dad, my uncle . a Big dinner together!


a lot of other things have been happening, but my mind is really cloudy right now. I guess i'll write more later and put the pictures up later too. I just wanted to get this up like in time for my 9 months date here.

The weather has been really crappy. Actually there have been storms on and off and there's no internet at my house. This is a BIG deal, because i have to do my homework online for my course and it's frustrating me, but whatever. I decieded i hate storms now, officially. I used to think they were fun and cool... (when on exchange, NEVER make plans to do something, becuase you probably wont, and you cant plan your exchange. you just go along with it. along with the flow. Actually being able to keep up with a blog is hard enough. just, take my advice, dont plan anything. Exchange will take you where it takes you and theres no way of kowing where it will take you and what will happen.) right now im using the computer and internet in the office of my host parents work. It's chill.

SCHOOL IS OVER TOMORROW!

FINALLY! I hate italian school with a burning passion. I cant believe i even survived a whole school year here. I know i dont really do a lot of work like all the other students. but like, 1. teachers just lecture and lecture and lecture. 2. no films no activites no nothing.3. i have no friends. so yeah it's a bit awkward like, if your an italian, yeah i get you have lots of work!!! at least youre not like sitting there alone..
Being an exchange student is lonely. I'm really happy summer is here so i dont have to sit in class by myself anymore. (another thing i dont like about italy, that people stay in their groups whole life, italians are really friendly and talk and are loud, it's all true! but they arent very open about their friend groups, at least from MY experience. like they talk to you, but it's not like you're REALLY friends.) so yeah, REALLY HAPPY! LIBERTA!!!!

I still cant believe it. 9 months... I dont want to go home. I miss my stuff, but i love it here! It's running out, There's not enough time!!

 xoxo rachael

p.s. I know this is a crap post, i'll rite more later when my internet gets fixed at home. My pictures are at home.