Roots

Some people dont understand America. They dont understand that it seriously is like the world's largest melting pot. Like here, or all around the world I'm pretty sure people are aware that America is diverse, but they cant really get it in their head, or picture it. There are people from every country around the world, people of mixed races. It's a diverse country! That's what makes us America.

It's really strange and awkward for me, because in Italy, everything is Italian. I mean obviously, but very very italian, only italian. Only Italians food, people, culture, everything. I guess thats one of the biggest differences for me. Where I live in america, people of all races are accepted for the most part. But here, the culture is so strong in Italian-ness, that they view even people who are asian or african, but were born and raised in italy, who know everything only to be italian, as foreigners. they dont see them as italian.

People think America is one race, i guess it is. But Americans are made of all races mixed together. When i walk around, people look and stare at me, badly. Like as if im another one of the immigraters that Italians all seem to hate. Some people dont believe I'm American, as if its impossible. Like they dont realize that America is made of so many different cultures, that being american means you life the american life, the culture, but your roots are always something different.

No one questions other Americans, because they look normal, caucasion, what "Americans" are thought to be. But then they question me. I bet if you ask the other americans, they might not know their roots because their families came from wherever they came from a long long long time ago, or they might say that they are part norwegian, or part italian, or polish, or swedish, or french, the only reason no one asks though is because they are caucasion and look like a typical american, but Americans can be chinese, or indian, or ethiopian, algerian, taiwanese, japanese, columbian, mexican, and canadian too. you name it. We seriously are from all over the world, and we are still American.

I dont understand why people dont understand this. I know I'm repeating a lot, but does this make sense? or am i just rambling on.. I'm really cranky. Main point: People dont believe I am american, they think being chinese american(What i am) is somehow different from any other american. But really, all Americans are mixtures, i dont see how its any different. Some people are really close minded. It's just really difficult for me to be here, because no one believes me, or if they do, they think its still somehow different, like my life isnt really an american culture. Idk, in my opinion i think they see me as like a foreigner in my own country. Maybe they think like i belong in china. Like, i dont know why I'm just noticing all this now. I guess it's because i thought people didnt talk to me in the beginning because i didnt speak italian. ok fair enough. but now i speak it, and people still dont talk to me. Yes a few people started to talk to me more, but the rest, nope. I guess i thought that after i would be able to speak italian, life would magically get better, and id be considered more normal here. But i guess i will always be looked at as a foreigner here, but not just any other foreigner like an exchange student(italians for the most part love exchange students and are always really curious) but a chinese one. and Italians really dont like chinese or africans.

p.s. some people think all asians are only chinese......
oh and one time i was just out and about, and someone came up to me and said ni hao, and pulled their eyes back at me like making fun of asians, and then my friend(italian) established that im american. and THEN he apologized.. that's just not right. It's really awkward being a chinese american in a country that hates chinese but loves americans. Especially when i LOOK chinese. so for all the people that dont know me, for all they know i am chinese, so i feel like they hate me a lot more.

Life is great.. Italy has made me a lot more independent, but a lot more self conscious and in a difficult position with who I am, conflicted. I've Never been uncomfortable in my own skin before. I guess obstacles like this make you stronger! However. I am Chinese American. Deal with it. Even though obviously not everyone in italy is like this, it's just a lot more of this behavior than in America. obviously.. Anyways, I hate prejudices, and I hate racism. Now i kind of miss America.